Been feeling a lil Emotional

Been going through a bit of an emotional time at the moment with it all coming up to the Anniversary of Joshua's Death on the 5th June. It's been 10 years since my boy was taken on that dim day back in 1998 at only 3 mths of age.

I have been having weird dreams about things in my past and life as it is now. One was a frighten wake up call the other morning as i woke up crying as it felt so surreal. It was about my current partner and my kids,myself in a car accident. How it happened my partner was contacting a friend and was dropping off something with him but he wouldn't answer the phone while driving out the country way somewhere. So my partner said if he rang back it meant he was home, sure enough it rang but i had a go at him for letting it ring. He said he wanted to go get him a thank you basket as he looked at me while driving. We were hitting a black spot bend and couldn't see the road ended up rolling the car 5 or 6 times down a hill the car had my daughter in the back and son in front with me and my partner and two other ppl i have no idea who in back also. As it was my partner was dead some where up the hill the three in back seat were dead also. I was stuck between the roof lining and the seat near the shoulder part as i was holding onto my son in the front seat so tight i didn't wanna let go, he had a gear stick through his stomach and i was screaming for help but no one could hear me. I then heard someone say whats happened i am stuck i was saying and my son is with me in here help me. Next thing i knew i was told everyone i love dearly were all dead due to the accident my partner was killed on impact with the tumble of the car which crushed him, as for my daughter it was head injuries, my son he died due to a gear stick through his stomach and lost to much blood and i was balling my eyes out and that's what woke me in the end as my pillow was wet.

Morel of the story is that the arm i had wrapped around my son to hold him felt like i had some how dislocated it and was sore the past two days to the point i couldn't do much with out pain and my heads been aching where the roof hit my head. It felt like i was there in the accident and was recovering the last two days. Morel is I have to stop dreaming so real dreams that hurt me and my family members. But last time i dreamt like this was when Josh Died and i knew even before i woke up that he was dead which was really my wake up call that shocked me. So yeah thats not the end of my weird week i have been crying ova nothing been feeling unappreciated at all by everyone at the moment. I dunno feel like i am going through a mid life brake down only i know it's not. But that is my weird and wonderful week so far.